In sickness and in health. A part of the marriage vow, and also a part of the unspoken covenant between parents and children, between close friends, and between a country and its people. The assumption is that a person is just as worthy of love, support, and concern when (s)he is in real need as when things are going relatively smoothly.
Lately in my life there has been a lot of illness – or suspicion of illness – in friends and family. It is hard. Having been seriously ill myself, it has occurred to me on numerous occasions that it is much easier to be the one who is ill than to be one of the concerned caregivers.
Serious illness places a huge toll on a family unit or a friendship. Everyday life is disrupted, without a clear knowledge of when, if ever, things will get back to normal. The costs are often high – additional bills, less income, more stress. When things can’t “stop” to support the one who is ill, there is tremendous guilt. The person who is ill feels tremendous guilt for being “such a burden”.
We live in a society of dual income families – many with no children, and those with children, most with 2 or less. The extended family has been replaced by the nuclear family – often far from home. What do you do when people fall ill and they need you? The family dilemma is even more extended when there are “only” friends to pick up the load.
When I fell ill, my husband was out of town and not able to get back prior to emergency surgery. We were new in town – less than a year. Yet Divine Order provided me with two incredible friends who took the time to ferry me to and from doctors and hospitals, and one of whom put me up in her home until my husband was able to return. I was humbled by this loving treatment. And it gave me pause.
It is so easy to be “too busy” when someone needs you, yet, as a wise friend and member of the clergy once said, “I’ve never sat at a deathbed where the person told me (s)he wished she had just a little more time to spend in the office.” We are so plugged in; it is so easy to work 24/7; it is so easy to get caught up in the material and forget about the very real spiritual and emotional needs of those we care about – because, we think, there is always tomorrow.
When I told one of my friends in Silicon Valley about the love and generosity I had received when I was ill, she said, very sincerely and very tellingly, “Well, Barbara, we would have done the same thing – if we had the time!”
It’s time to get priorities straight. Those who need us can’t wait. We are all one, and the caring for that “universal One” is our most important job.
Tags: family, generosity, guilt, meditation, priorities, support
