When I tuned in again, I found that taking that few extra minutes a day (or many times during the day, when needed), made a huge difference in how I processed things.  I have really had a delightful week, despite some challenges.  I have had meetings that have turned out much more positively than I had any reason to expect; I have found people that I delight in knowing that have the skills and information I need to do new and exciting things; I have completed my days feeling more relaxed and satisfied than normal; and I have taken the time to take better care of myself.

The trick is remembering to keep this up!  It is so easy to backslide and think it is something automatic, when it really is a discipline that needs to be a part of my life each day.  So far, so good!  I’m onto something (again) that I have always known!

And yet, in life, change is something that is often feared.  People want to cling to the sameness, the easily realized expectations.  But there is no growth there.  This week has been lessons in adaptability for me.  Things continue to crop up that need to be dealt with.  There is no resting on my laurels.  I feel tired, but I also think I am a better person.    However, after many days of “clouds”, I do long for – and cherish the broad expanse of blue prior to the rising of the sun.  If possible, I would like a couple of days to consolidate what I have learned!

    The key is ownership of our lives.  If we believe that we have freedom of choice, then the things that we choose to fill in that 24 hours will be the things that get done.  If we choose to believe that we have to do this or that instead of what we “want” to do, we are still doing what we really want to do. 

    It is freeing to discover this.  If I spend my time working overtime, listening to a friend complain, watching TV instead of studying, creating, or cleaning the house, or sleeping late on the weekend, then that is what I wanted to do, and there can be no regrets.

    As I apply myself to what I want to do, I discover that there is time in the day to:  plan for a new business I want to open, get my shoes repaired, write or call friends and family, and exercise.  I can visit sick friends, donate time to a favorite charity or organization, and sort and take things to recycling and GoodWill.  It is so very freeing.  I wish I had thought of it before . . .

Rage resolves little, and simply leads to more strife.  It is a medium of last resort.  One of the most powerful scenes in John Adams is when he is defending British soldiers who fired into a crowd after being intolerably provoked (and misled by a counterfeit order from the mob to fire their weapons).  Even though the sentiment of the citizens of Boston is against the troops, they are exonerated through application of the law.  This is what differentiates us from dictatorships and mob rule.

Equally, Hamid’s thoughtful book reminds us that the US is not caretaker of the one and only “correct” worldview.  Emotions have cooled somewhat since 9/11, but he raises serious questions being raised about the “purity” of the US decisions following the attacks (and leading up to the attacks).  Does a Pakistani have any less right to love his country and to be concerned when his friends and family are put in harm’s way by governments of other nations?  It is a good book and one that reminded me that I need to critically examine my relationship with my government, my work, and the others that make up the infrastructure in which I live.

 I finished Hamid’s book the night before the first Women in Black vigil, and it was a simple decision to attend.  (Women in Black is a world-wide network of women committed to peace with justice and actively opposed to injustice, war, militarism and other forms of violence.)  It was interesting to see the results.  We had a lot of people wave, honk, smile and indicate support.  Some people looked straight ahead as they drove past.  The single outstanding dissenter provided a display of his middle finger as he drove past – which some might consider offensive, disrespectful, and utterly incapable of moving the discussion forward.  Nonetheless, it is a good example of how some people feel more comfortable with hostile confrontation.  Why talk when you can be hateful instead? 

Our nation has not put forward a consistent and coherent rationale for our actions in Iraq, and we are now in the middle of a tar-baby from which we find it more and more difficult to extract ourselves.  Viet Nam should have been a better lesson for those in power today, but I fear our entanglement in Iraq is even less over ideals and more over the financial gain of a few than Viet Nam, with the same disastrous results to our loyal troops that have to be in the middle of it (as well as to our economy).  And we forget Afghanistan, a possibly more “righteous” action where there might have been some positive effect if we could have maintained our focus there. 

This blog is about taking responsibility. It is important to stop and think and become part of the discussion.  History has taught us that freedom is not won or preserved through oppression.  No more than at the time of the war for independence can we afford to let others make our decisions for us as this very important time in our nation’s story.  Not everyone will agree with me, but I hope that everyone will afford me the right to think for myself and to stand up for what I believe.  I want to believe that we can pay thoughtful and honest attention to each others’ concerns, in the hopes of making a saner, safer and more responsible world.

I think I am good at being aware.  When I was witness to a theft, the police were very impressed at my description of the man.  When my husband and I were watching a very convoluted movie (“Conversations with an Other Woman”), there were some conversations that I thought explained the backstory brilliantly – that my husband missed entirely.

However, what would 10 other people witness in either of these situations?  How smug can I be?  The thing that I am most pleased about is that I can pull back “scenes” in my life with a richness of detail, which means that I must have been paying attention – i.e., “there” and not planning dinner or rehashing a disagreement with a colleague. 

That is what it is all about.  The moment.  The now.  And one wonderful thing about being in the “now” is that in some future “now” I have memories that I can call up and appreciate, bringing back places and people that would be otherwise “gone”.

We had dinner with friends yesterday – the friendships trace back over 30 years, and meeting one let to meeting another led to meeting another.  The threads have held us loosely together for so long, and getting back together is so comfortable!  I am so grateful to have that continuity.

One of the things that came up was another friend who is currently ill.  She plays a part in the whole movement of things as well, and that led to discussions of people in the chain between her and us. 

Life is so beautiful.  Even the difficult relationships are a part of the tapestry that is a life well lived (and EVERY life is a life well-lived on some level).  I am amazed and humbled at the things that have happened, the lessons I have learned, the opportunities that I have taken or missed.  All is fodder for the future, and beyond me, the future of my friends, their friends, and on and on. 

I did some walking yesterday – just across the street instead of driving, but walking none the less.  My body feels so strong and healthy with the blessing of my Pilates instruction and my focus on and interest in it. 

I didn’t take care of it last night, however.  Someone was late on a project – and the project was done incorrectly.  I was angry because it meant I would have a huge amount of work that I had not planned on with an impossible deadline because I am travelling today.  I did the work, and a friend and colleague helped out.  The sharing of the burden made it lighter and more enjoyable (and yes, when I looked closely, I could find enjoyment in solving the problem).  I was too tired to complete it all, and I got up early to finish.  Another hit of positive energy as I accomplished what I had to.

I wasted too much energy being unhappy with the person who flubbed the project.  Interestingly, it came from two sources.  One was my inability to define the project tightly enough to enable the other person to complete it flawlessly and the other was that the project was LATE and bad.  I have been spending some time pondering leadership abilities.  It was a blow to have to abandon a different project that I had committed to without understand the full parameters, and this latest project was a reminder that I need to slow down.  So, in a way it was a good thing that the project was late and bad and I had a lot of extra work.  It was a reminder of what is important.

This is a time to work on philosophy and ordering my day so that I can spend more time imparting values to my staff.  There has to be time to explain it and nurture it.

Another lesson in mindfulness.  They are everywhere.  How beautiful it is to slow down and see what is right in front of me!

They say that Mozart had a sad (and short) life.  His father bullied him – especially after he surpassed his father in musical prowess.  He made some poor choices in friends.  But his music was ebullient, inspiring, downright beautiful.

Beauty can come from difficult times.  Isn’t it magical that the result of his suffering was something so incredible that has lasted so many years?

Reminder:  no matter what the current condition, it can create beauty.  Life may be unfair, but it has a way of creating balance – so long as we don’t need to see ourselves as the star of the show.

Of course, I can understand that.  For some reason we have been attracting tradesmen this year that have stretched simple jobs out into 9 or 10 months.  This is nuts and I experience wonder and amazement every time I think of how many of these folks (all previously reliable) that we have attracted.

In the face of frustration over what is right, it is easy to get angry, but all that does is rob me of precious minutes in my life that I give over to rage instead of peaceful and productive pursuits.  Since I learned the “live every minute rule” – where, by focusing on the minute, I am much more aware of the value of time than if I think in terms of months, years or decades – I have spent more time on figuring out how to get what I want rather than getting mad.

In most cases, simple ongoing, polite pressure to do what is right seems to be working, and it is a lot more pleasant for me than anger.  Time will tell if it works out as beautifully as I want, but I do believe I am heard better through the honey than through the vinegar. 

This is Ghandi rather than Watts.  Time will tell, but I prefer keeping anger and frustration out of the equation.

Lately in my life there has been a lot of illness – or suspicion of illness – in friends and family.  It is hard.  Having been seriously ill myself, it has occurred to me on numerous occasions that it is much easier to be the one who is ill than to be one of the concerned caregivers. 

Serious illness places a huge toll on a family unit or a friendship.  Everyday life is disrupted, without a clear knowledge of when, if ever, things will get back to normal.  The costs are often high – additional bills, less income, more stress.  When things can’t “stop” to support the one who is ill, there is tremendous guilt.  The person who is ill feels tremendous guilt for being “such a burden”. 

We live in a society of dual income families – many with no children, and those with children, most with 2 or less.  The extended family has been replaced by the nuclear family – often far from home.  What do you do when people fall ill and they need you?  The family dilemma is even more extended when there are “only” friends to pick up the load. 

When I fell ill, my husband was out of town and not able to get back prior to emergency surgery.  We were new in town – less than a year.  Yet Divine Order provided me with two incredible friends who took the time to ferry me to and from doctors and hospitals, and one of whom put me up in her home until my husband was able to return.  I was humbled by this loving treatment.  And it gave me pause. 

It is so easy to be “too busy” when someone needs you, yet, as a wise friend and member of the clergy once said, “I’ve never sat at a deathbed where the person told me (s)he wished she had just a little more time to spend in the office.”  We are so plugged in; it is so easy to work 24/7; it is so easy to get caught up in the material and forget about the very real spiritual and emotional needs of those we care about – because, we think, there is always tomorrow. 

When I told one of my friends in Silicon Valley about the love and generosity I had received when I was ill, she said, very sincerely and very tellingly, “Well, Barbara, we would have done the same thing – if we had the time!” 

It’s time to get priorities straight.  Those who need us can’t wait.  We are all one, and the caring for that “universal One” is our most important job.